Let it Abomasnow pt 1

We were supposed to be at the client's house yesterday, but no, Tommy just had to get the stomach flu and puked all over the RV. So, we spent all of yesterday trying to get the vomit smell out of the RV. This was a personal mission for me, and I really didn't want to be late. So we settled down a hotel and set our alarms for a time a bit too early to get up.

At 5 a.m. the alarm went off. I ain't used to an alarm waking me up. I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Shut up," I mumbled and blindly pressed buttons, anything to make it turn off. Instead, I knocked it off of the stand and it kept buzzing. I sat up and put my glasses on my face. I turned on a light as the other boys in the room groaned at me. I picked up the alarm and hit the snooze button. I got up, grabbed some clothes and hopped into the shower. The hotel was alright. It wasn't all that fancy, and it wasn't horrible either. As such, for an alright hotel, they always put in a complicated shower flocet. Does no one use a simple hot an' cold handles anymore? I tugged on the flocet, but it didn't budge. I turned it, and frigged cold water started coming out. I still wasn't awake so I stood there for ten minutes waiting for the water to turn warm. Pro-tip: It never did until I turned it the other way and stood there for a minute. Since us boys are so cheap, we just use the soap, shampoo and conditioner the hotel provides us.

I suddenly remembered some flash thing I saw on the internet one day and started acting like the guy from it.
"What is up with hotel shampoo," I said, squeezing the daylights of the shampoo, "You squeeze and squeeze and nothing comes out!"
Then, while applying make-up, "Why don't they make make-up for men? I mean some guys just don't like their freckles, okay?"
And while putting on clothes, "What's the deal with clothes? Why do we need them? I mean, I don't want to see some fat dude's gong...oh, god no! What am I talkin' 'bout?!"
I ran into Jhon as soon as I exited the bathroom and said, "What is up with people not payin' attention to where they're going?"
Jhon cocked his head at me and said, "CG, why are you shouting?"
"What is up with me shoutin' at 5:39 a.m.? There's no point! There's no point in anything anymoooore!"
"Computer guy, stop it," Jamie said, getting out of bed, "You're not funny."

If Jamie says I'm not funny, then I really must not be all that funny. Jamie was sort of good looking, I guess. He was always sort of tan with six pack abs, and a well defined chest. He had green hair that was spiked in the back and his bangs pulled to the sides of his face.

"Kay," I said, sheepishly.

Jack was still curled up on his side, fast asleep. I crawled on the bed next to him. Jack was a real strong man. He had a much thicker muscular structure than Jamie does. He had long black hair and bright blue eyes.

"Hey, Jackie, wakie time," I said.
Well, that didn't work. So I tried a new tatic. I repeated the same three words over and over again.
"Bastardo, la puta, el idiota."

Jamie and Jhon went on their morning routine as I annoyed the shit out of Jack. Jack started twitching at my words, and then I saw him curl a hand up into a fist. After about fifteen minutes, he sat up and grabbed me by my shirt.

"What the hell is wrong with you," he growled.
"You woke up," I stated the obvious.
"No, duh."
I stood up. "And now my work is done."

I went downstairs to the hotel lobby and looked at the food they served. I settled on a bagel with cheri flavored cream cheese, and some little oranges. I saw David sitting by himself. He was curled up, leaning to the side. He didn't look very happy. He was one of those stereotypical looking pretty guys. Light brown hair, that sits on his shoulder, light green eyes, smooth pale face. He'd be a real stud master if only he talked. I sat down next to him.

"Where's your tail," I said.
By tail I meant his best friend, Simon, an emo kid who's in denial he's emo.
David didn't say anything.
"Do you want one of my oranges," I asked.
He groaned and flopped over to the other side of the chair.
"David's got Tommy's bug," James said, "He was glued to the toilet all night."

He didn't even have the common courtesy to get dressed before coming down to eat. His purple...bluey hair was a mess. His green eyes told me he was about to fall back asleep. He turned around and wobbled to where the food is.

"It's not there," I said, "I already checked."

I knew what he was looking for, the region famous Sitrus Berry flavored Cummings Tea. Ten years ago, caffeine was banned in our region. Since coffee went along with it, people needed something to perk them up in the morning. Around that time my parents began selling their brand of tea and discovered the benefits of putting Sitrus berrys in with it. With this brand of tea, you get a similar effect like coffee without all the negative stuff that came with it, making it healthier, and more organic. Sales of all our tea skyrocked after more people learned of the benefits of our tea. And now I'm rich because of those people. So, thank you guy who banned caffeine, I'm now overly privileged because of you.

"Then make me some," James ordered.
"I can't because SOMEONE drank all of my sitrus tea," I said.
That someone meaning the guy asking for it.
James groaned loud enough to attract everyone's attention.
"Now what am I going to do? It's way to early for this!"
"We have to make up for lost time," I said, "We're late enough as it is."
"How do people get up this early anyway?"
"People with lives do it on a daily basis, I suppose."

James went back up stair to, I hope, get dressed. Tom passed by him on the way to the lobby. "Don't worry, boss," he said, patting James' back, "I'll drive for ya. You can get some beauty sleep on the way over." James mumbled something in reply, but I couldn't understand it. Damn British guy. Tom grabbed as many cheese danishes as he could and came over and sat down next to me.

"Are you feeling okay," Tom asked David.
David shook his head.
"If you're going to be puking all over the place then stay in the bathroom in the RV," I said, taking a bite out of my bagel, "We can't afford to wait any longer."
"That's a little harsh on him, isn't it," Tom said.
I can't believe he's still playing the "Maybe if I'm nice to him, he'll be nice to me" thing. I can't remember a time where that did work on me.
"We're runnin' a business here," I said, "We have to make good impressions on people. Being extremely late is not makin' a good impression, last time I checked."
"He's right y'nno," Simon said, "Sorry, David, you're going to have to put up with it for a bit, okay?"
David held up a hand as Si sat down next to him. I didn't even notice Si until he said something.
"You're not going to eat sumthin," I asked.
"Not right now," Si said in his usual soft spoken voice, "I'm not all that hungry, thank you."
"Speaking of which, we need to get goin," I said grabbing my food and taking it back into my room.
"How'd that relate to what I said, "Si said.
Tom shrugged.

At around 7:30 we started packing up. James found his sleeping bag and laid it on the floor of the RV. Seviper yawned when he saw James curl up in the bag. "Going back to sleep sounds nice," he said. I did a double take on him. Last night he was was green and had some sort of goth bangs thing going on. This morning it was bright pink and standing straight in the air. You'd think after seven years I'd be use to his constant hair changing. Seviper's a big guy, but not obese, and he has really strong arms too. He's the type of guy who'd scare little old ladies. And, as you'd expect a guy like this to be. One of the nicest guys you'll ever meet, well, after David and Si of course.

"Okay, do we have everything," Jack asked.
We all thought about it, then bobbed our heads.
"Good, take it away, Tom."

Half an hour later, half the team was asleep and we were out of the city. We were headed for a town on a mountain called, well Mountain Town. The mountain itself was pretty large. It looked like a "h" with the town sitting on the curved part. It used to be all one moutain until someone decided, "Hey, let's carve a big chunk out of this mountain and put a town in it!" I'm sure that guy didn't settle there just for the view. I can scarcely imagine how hard was to get up there back when people didn't have cars. I don't know much about this town, but I can bet they settled here to get away from something.

As for scenery, it's porn to look around this place. Imagine, if you will, standing in the middle of this small town, and on three fourths of it is the mountain sloping slowly upward completely covered in snow. The very top of the mountain is jagged and looks a lot closer than it really is. To the west is flat land, well, it would be if you go on top of the small hill that covers the rest of the town. The sun blinds you as the earth turns to cover it. At night, you see the lights from the city we just left. Since there isn't much light coming from the town, you'll see the stars. So many stars that make you stand there with your mouth open in wonder.

Since Tom was driving, we had to listen to what to he likes. And he likes crap without the c. I tried to ignore him and focus on e-mailing the client to explain why were late. But I couldn't since, good god, his music SUCKS!

"Get your ass off the wall with your two left feet," Tom rapped and danced, "It's real easy, just follow the beat. Don't let that fine girl pass you by-"
"Tom, either drive or dance, you can't do both," I said and he started going off the road, "And you can't rap either."
"Hmph," Tom grumbled, getting back on the road, "I'm a better singer than you are."
"Damn straight, you are."

Oh, how I wished I had the voice of a Broadway star. But, I don't, and never will. I got an e-mail from the client.

"It's alright, I understand. ;.; It's not like Pokemon are dying over here.~"
Yup, saving Pokemon is our job. But honestly...
"...I don't know how to respond to this..."

Right after that, The radio started getting fuzzy.
"What, no," Tom said and started fiddling with the dial.
"Well, I'm glad that's finally over," I said, "What does everyone want to listen to?"
"Rock," Jack said.
"No, I want to listen to my type of music," Seviper said.
"No one wants to listen to your music," Jamie said, "We should listen to mine!"
"Well, excuse me for having a better taste in music than you," Seviper retorted.
Jack, Seviper and Jamie broke out into a heated argument.
"Fine then," I yelled, trying to be louder than they were, "If you guys can't handle being civilized humans, then you'll haflta listen to my crap."

I turned back around opened up my music, which actually was everyone's music and everyone had their own playlist of stuff they liked. I saw Si slowly raise his hand as I started playing Deadmau5' 8bit. "Can we listen to Jazz," he asked as timidly and quietly as possible. "Fine," I said going through his playlist, "Since you're more of an adult than everyone else is." Si's a weird kid. He doesn't like most music that people listen to. He even refuses to listen to modern Jazz. He's more into the swinging your girlfriend around, loud, and energetic Jazz. The good ol' stuff. It was kind of nice to listen to something else for a change.

I closed my eyes and tried to go back to sleep. I couldn't since Jhon and Si had a lot to say. First they were talking some basketball game, then Jhon whined about not participating in a Pokemon Contest, then Si talked about not being able to participate in any sort of contest, the Tommy butted in asking Jamie to play with him, but he said no since James was in the way. I woke back up when we started going through the tunnel that goes through part of the mountain. I looked at the clock on my computer. 8:59 a.m. Damn, I just barely closed my eyes then time flew.

"We're almost there," I said.
"Someone should wake up James," Tom said.
"You do it," Jack said.
"Erm, I kinda driving here?"
"Well, don't get up all at once," I said, "Where's the ipod?"
"I have it," Jamie said, getting up to find one of his bags, "What do you need it for?"

I put the song on Above and Beyond's Sun and Moon Kim Fai Remix as loud as the ipod would go and put it against James' ear. He jumped.  Everyone except him found it funny.

"What in the world is wrong with you," James growled.
"Did ja wet your pants," I asked.
"No...what does that-"
"Good, now get ready. We're almost there."

James grumbled and went into the bathroom. I sat back down next to Tom and got back on my laptop. I was going to e-mail the client again, but my internet went out. I cursed, yelled and hit my computer in a fetal effort to make it work. All I accomplished was a "Calm down" from Tom. I put my laptop in it's case and folded my arms. We came through the tunnel and...well, now this is really disappointing. I know a child sees the world differently than an adult does, but this was pathetic. Some of the buildings looked like they could use some fixing, okay, most of them needed some TLC. The town was founded in the mid 1800's where the houses were painted in bright and vivid colors. Since this region was founded with guys with too much pride for their ancestors, most of the houses were painted with family colors. For example, if my family came here during that time, our house would be blue and yellow. Anyway, The paint was peeling off of the houses and they all looked like you'd get a splinter from the wood just by barely touching them. There were some people stranded outside a group of houses that had someone or something break holes into it.

"So, where are we going," Tom asked me.
"The O'Maddens," I said.
"You mean, like, the football video game?"
I narrowed my eyes at him. "Tom, what you just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your incoherent response were you close to anything that could be considered a rational though. Everyone in this room is now dumber because of it. May god have mercy on your soul."
Si cracked up laughing.  He had the kind of laugh that was high pitched and whiny and a wee bit annoying.
"I'll have to remember that next time one of you guys says something stupid," He said after he calmed down.
"Anyway, you'll be takin' a right on fifth street, then it'll be a left on Maple, then we'll be lookin' for the youngest and biggest house here," I said, "It was built in the 80's. And it's silver and blood red."
Tom scratched his cheek and said, "Huh?"
"Oh, for cryin out loud," I said and put my hand on my forehead.

We pulled up to the house. It was a normal looking two-story house, but it did stand out compared to the rest of the houses here since it was the only one that was truly different. The bottom half of the house was gray, the top was red with red tiles.

"This place is weird," Tommy said.
"Yeah, I know," I said, ringing the doorbell, "I wish all houses were brightly colored."
"Hold on, we're coming," I heard someone say from inside, "Stop ringing the doorbell!"
Moments later, the door opened and I was greeted with a hug.
"Oh, Wally, it's been so long! How've you been?"

Yes, I know these people. Yes, my first name is Wallace. Now you know why this gig is so important to me. The clients were my second cousin, Syd and her mom, Wanda.

"I was doing just fine until now," I said.
Seviper elbowed me. "Hey, is your Wally a Cummings?"
My "friends" all snickered.
"Could you guys at least pretend to be adults," I pleaded, "You guys are making me look bad."
"Anyway, where were you guys," Wanda asked, "You said you were going to be here last afternoon."
"P-pardon," I said, "I e-mailed you yesterday about it, and again this morning. An' you replied, too."
"That would be impossible! Nobody in this town has the internet quite yet."

Before I could say something I heard a familiar noise that sent a chill up my spine. "Hee-hee-hee..." I curled my hands up into fists. I could already feel an unexplainable rage. There was a little space of room on one top corner of the house that had a staircase coming down from it. He came down that staircase. He was in his mid-40's and already had knee problems do to the amount of fat that had abused his body since he was 12. He looked just like me, only his hair was redder, he was around 400 pounds heavier (I mean this guy makes Seviper look anorexic) and he was 20% frecklier.

He turned the corner, smiled and said, "Oh, hey there, Wally. Haven't seen you since your sixteenth birthday party. How old are you now? Twenty?"
"Good grief, Uncle Walter, think. I was sixteen two years ago, I had a birthday 4 months ago, how old would I be now?"